7. Developing Maturity – a pathway to satisfaction
Corey L. M. Keyes, was contemplating the ‘modern’ view of health and well-being. Of course, the typical measures of health and well-being are designed to operate somewhat like a light switch. It is either on, or off. You are rich, or poor. You are well, or sick. You are in, or out, of control in your life.
But, as we understand it, Corey L. M. Keyes conclusive observation went a little something like this. Life is just not like that. Everything can be measured in degrees. A person can experience mental un-wellness today, and feel perfectly functional and fine the next. A person can be very wealthy yet experience depression. An un-well person of modest means can be incredibly inspiring.
It seems Corey L. M. Keyes reasoned that a truly objective conclusion on the ‘wellness’ of an individual calls for shades of grey, from many perspectives, before a ‘line’ can be drawn that accurately describes the condition of their life. There is one measure, which is in the process of being adopted worldwide, that can be used for this purpose. Are you:
- Flourishing, or
- Languishing?
How can one person seem to have everything to live for yet be miserable (languishing)? And how can one person facing near crippling hardship be inspiring (flourishing)? In layman terms, Corey L. M. Keyes hypothesised that if a person has seven life “ducks in a row” then, regardless of anything else in their life, they will flourish. The fewer ducks they have lined up, the greater the chance they will languish. Here are those itemised “ducks”:
a) Are you giving? – You need to understand that you don’t have to be a billionaire like Bill Gates to be a philanthropist. Once you realise this fact, you are liberated from the chains of the imagined financial barriers to philanthropy (which also offers countless opportunities for personal and professional development too).
b) Are you connected? – Genuinely connecting with others is a sure-fire way to help an individual release their gifting into the world. No one person can do everything alone. We are just not built that way. We are built to work in teams, each individual maximising the whole by contributing with their unique gifts. Sadly, whilst technology promises better connectivity it is often delivered at such a level that is not real or genuine connection (ask anyone who has 600 friends on their Facebook page but only so they can achieve better scores whilst playing online games, or ask someone with a Twitter account boasting “25,000 followers”). Whilst sometimes social media is a very powerful connectivity tool (there probably are people out there with 25,000 genuine followers on their Twitter account but these will be the exception rather than the rule) other (more old fashioned) networking strategies still have their value on the basis that the connection is genuine. For example, everyone in a concert seeing their favourite musicians are arguably better connected than many Facebook and Twitter connections. Most of us would be satisfied with a one on one or small group face to face. The skills that produce real connections in these scenarios are still important.
c) Do you take notice? – I heard of a wealthy guy once who was utterly depressed. I cannot remember the exact figures but the story went something like this. He was depressed because he had only made $2 million in income that year and he was sure he should have made at least $2.5 million. True story. It sounds like a cliché but it is important to “smell the roses” that are growing in your garden. By all means (if you can) attend to any that are struggling and maybe try to solve whatever the issue is, but don’t completely ignore the fact that you have some terrific roses growing. Another aspect to this is being mindful. To stop reacting to life and live the life you want instead. This is (of course) linked to creativity. Ways to be mindfully creative (by quietening the un-helpful logical, emotional, and reptilian fight or flight noise often constantly heard in the mind – thus opening up one’s creative resources) are to meditate, pray, reflect, play music, paint, read, write, fish, walk, and certain other forms of exercise. You can use whatever quiets the mind for this purpose.
d) Are you active? – The body is its own drug lab. When you exercise it creates an enormous amount of ‘feel good’ chemicals. These are completely legal and FREE of charge to use! As previously mentioned, this is one method to open the creative mind in order to get an individual out of the reactionary rat race approach to life and begin to plan the life one actually wants to live.
e) Are you still learning? – You cannot do any of this stuff properly if you are ignorant. And we are all ignorant. Keep learning. Keep making distinctions. With ubiquitous access to the internet and books (both available free of charge from most New Zealand libraries) ignorance in a subject of importance to you is a choice. As for literacy issues, many public schools will allow enrolments from just about anyone, free of charge. I know a lady in her 70’s who went back to High School for three years and brushed up on her French alongside a whole lot of teenagers and she had a ball doing it - for FREE!
f) Are you grounded? – actually, the International List to ensure someone is flourishing ends with the items listed above. “f” and “g” were deemed out of reach for some people in some countries. But being connected with earth, nature, plants, and organic life are considered an important part of being able to develop a flourishing mind-set and attitude. In New Zealand, there is no excuse not to do this.
g) Are you eating well? – again, off the International List because some people in the world just have no way of controlling their diet. Not so in New Zealand. Anyone can grow a veggie patch or plant an apple tree.
It is true youth have many advantages, including the ability to use technology with astonishing aptitude. But this has come at the cost of many of the items listed above from “a” to “g”. So, although highly talented and very clever, some youth have a world view that does not completely serve them.
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